One thousand Two thousand

Hand grenades this week.

Extremely hectic week, mostly because of the A level results on Friday. On one hand, an early bookout and three day weekend. One the other hand, squeezing the most dangerous BMT high key event into 3 and a half days. We had very little sleep and admin time this week, compared to the endless hours of slacking we had in the bunk during Range week. I barely had anytime to wash my clothes, to the chargin of my poor mother.

Hand grenades. They are very simple machines. If I were to put you in a fight with a bear, the first thing you'd probably do is to find something to throw at it. Then you'd die, because, come on , its a bear. Hand grenades are very simple in that respect. Pull the pin and throw. How does something this simple deserve such a hectic week? Explosives.

When I went through grenade week, I gained a newfound respect for explosives. They're completely different from what you see in movies. Forget the spectacular flash, the pluming fireball of red and black belching out of the ground. An actual explosion is acutely uninteresting. The hush first settles over the range. The nervous recruit fumbles with the pin before separating it. The Officer raises his hand before bringing it down with a firm pat on the recruit's shoulder. The recruit chucks the grenade, with technique and target all but ignored. Everyone ducks. One thousand Two thousand. The grenade lands with a plop on the sand. Hard to spot from a distance of 200m. Suddenly, a puff of sand and smoke appears. It just appears. One moment its not, and another moment, its there. No fire, no other visual indicator. A crashing sound assaults your ears, imagine a metal dumpster falling from the third floor. The range recovers, the next bay is ready. This happened 250 times.

In retrospect, the BMT grenade course does not actually teach you how to kill others with a grenade. Of course there is a target for you to aim at, and a set distance that you're supposed to throw. But for a recruit standing at the bay, it all goes out of mind. The only thought in his head is getting the deadly high explosive as far away as possible and surviving this ordeal. The BMT Grenade Course teaches you more of how to not kill yourself with a grenade than to kill others. Almost like rifle range, you're being trained to inflict death. All the drills practiced with a rifle deal with how to hit a target, and how to rectify it if you're not hitting the target. A different mindset is present too. There is no lingering thought on your own safety when aiming down the scope. All presence of mind is focused on hitting the target. However, for grenades, all the drills are to ensure that you don't kill yourself with the grenade. The target and throwing distance is looked at as an ideal than anything else. Something to aim for, but don't bother trying to hit it. As you run down to the grenade range, all faces are grim. The sergeant's voice is nervous, and their actions are all to the letter. With the earplugs in your ears, only the sound of your breathing is audible in your head. Receiving the grenade, I couldn't imagine it exploding at all. It seemed an inert lump of metal. Strapping the grenade to my chest, I sat down at the waiting area. In a fit of gallows humor, I observed that death itself was strapped to my heart. All it took was a faulty pin, a fuse slightly out of alignment. For some reason, I thought of seeing everyone on bookout day, and that made me smile some. The loudspeaker rotates shifts. I doubled the 200 meters to the grenade bay. As I performed all the drills before throwing it, my mind was somewhere else, I watched myself in third person, reporting to the officer, preparing the grenade. The officer and I exchanged some small talk while waiting for my turn to throw, interrupted by him jerking me down behind cover as others threw first. I ran my hand down the outside surface of the bay. Solid concrete, pockmarked by thousands of tiny holes. I suddenly understood the nervous smile of the bay safety officer. He had to do this 250 times. Damn. My turn to throw. Pulling the pin out, all intent of hitting the target left me. My own breathing echoed in my earpluged ears. It was just me and the grenade. Instinct took over. I threw it as hard as I could and dropped to the floor. One thousand Two thousand. A strange force pushed air out of my lungs. Sound came after that. A crashing bang. The strange sound of tiny metal hitting concrete, and the whizzing of metal through the air. And it was over. I hastily thanked the officer and stumbled out of the bay.

That was grenade week.

Nothing new to report

Week 3: Shooting!

This week was fairly uneventful as it was our range week. The interesting thing is that you're not even taught how to shoot. Aim, hold breath and squeeze trigger. I guess its a testament to the SAR21 that most people passed on the first try. That or our gun savvy, First Person Shooter video game culture ingrained into most youths.

I'm typing this 10 minutes before book in, so pardon me if it seems rushed. The range was in the middle of tekong, far away from the lights of BMTC proper. The stars out there were magnificent. The forest blocked most of the light from the city, so there were an unimaginable amount of stars. It was almost like being in rural Thailand. The shooting was a two parter, the day shoot and night shoot. The day shoot went by quite fast, and you actually spend most of the time sitting around, waiting for the next detail to finish shooting. Thanks to my previous experience with the SAR21, I managed a perfect score in the day shoot and was one of the small number in the running for Company Best Shot. While waiting for the night shoot, we literally sat around for 3 hours, talking swapping stories and the like. Then the ninja van came. The ninja van is known as the ninja van to recruits and commanders alike, as it randomly shows up silently, bearing all kinds of forbidden unhealthy drinks and snacks to anyone with the coin to afford it. Luckily, our friendly sergeant advised us the day before and we spent an extremely happy hour gorging ourselves, totally ignoring our out-ration dinner :D

The night shoot was pretty good, and quite scary. It was dark. Not even a dark you can imagine in Singapore. Darkkkk dark. Darker than a wolf's mouth in winter. The range only had light sticks and dim red lights to guide us, and floating blue light sticks marked the commanders walking around. By the time the night was over, I missed two shots, taking me out of the running for Company Best Shot, but guaranteeing me a Marksman Award very handily. It was about 0000 Hours before the 5 tonners took us back to company line, and the admin and Routine Orders meant we slept around 0300 Hours. We woke up again at 0530 Hours on Saturday to get ready to book out. That night, you could tell who would die in the sleeplessness of field camp.

Purple light, In the valley

That is where, I want to be

Infantry, true companions

With my rifle and my buddy and me.

Wow, 17 days. It has literally felt like forever.

I remember day one, in the bunk, Ulysses Company, Platoon 4 Section 3. 16 strangers brought together from all corners of Singapore. It was a humid day, and the rotating fans overhead did little to move the sluggish air around us. No one particularly felt like talking. We sat in silence around two rectangular wooden tables put together . The importance of teamwork and buddies was hammered into us from ferry and possibly before up till now. As we all looked around the table, taking in the wary faces and blank looks, brotherhood and unity looked very far away. Several stabs of standard conversation were offered: name, school, cca, etc... But I was left to wonder how we would become an inseparable family in the weeks to come.

17 days later. Book out day. Friday. We all had pet names for each other, knew each other's temperaments, strengths and weaknesses, we had added each other on facebook and swapped phone numbers. We idly swapped stories about how siong the PT was, and how hard SOC is, and how strict the sergeants are as we crammed our laundry into our field packs, excitedly talking about the first thing we'd do when we got out. Some even said they would miss each other's company. Laughing, I pointed out that we would unfortunately be reunited very soon. We were a family, brothers in arms.

17 days. An eternity.

BMT has many interesting things. The days feel like they go by quite fast. Wake up at 5am, First Parade, Physical training, and before you know it, lunch. Soldiering lessons, lectures, learning to handle your rifle, and before you know it, dinner. Routine Orders then admin time. Do laundry, call home, and sleep. Rinse and repeat. I guess it feels fast because your day is broken up into timings given by your sergeant. Time now is 1230. 1-2-3-0 We chorus. I want you to eat lunch, and fall in by 1250. 1-2-5-0 We chorus again. Our lives are literally being dictated to us, and we hang on the commanders' every word. It becomes a habit to constantly check your watch, lest you have to drop 20 when you get there.

Some people can't take it. The regimentation, the sergeants barking orders at you. But I'm finding myself adjusting quite well. Could be the Uniform Group training before this, or the fact that I'm already quite familiar with the Army and how it works on the inside. When you understand why they order you around and give the punishment they do, it seems quite reasonable. Anyway, I'm actually finding it quite enjoyable. Bed's soft, food's good, toilets are clean and we get paid.

TRANSITION

Currently 10 hours before the next chapter of life begins. Never before has entering a new phase of life been so scary. You may even argue that this is the first phase change. Going from primary school to NUS High may have been daunting, but it was still school. You still had the obligatory June/December holidays to look forward to. But now, its a whole new game.

Not much to say I guess. Strangely. You'd think I would be teeming with philosophical nonsense about life and fate on such a subject, but my mind is pretty calm. I guess whatever happens from here will just happen. Human beings are great adapters, and I'm pretty mentally prepared.

Purpose.

Long time since I've had any. And I'm glad to have it back.

Anyway, I'll see all of you again when my sergeant decides its safe to return. I do hope I miss Valentine's Day, otherwise I'd have to make excuses on why I didn't do anything hilariously, retardedly misguided this year. :D

Happy February to you all.

Milestone

We celebrated Ronald's Birthday yesterday. Nineteen. That's much too big a number. For some reason, I expected being 18 to last for much longer. You should be 18 for 3 years. Then you're 21. What a more elegant system.

I hope to keep this blog running for the next few years, amid all the life changes I'll be experiencing. Someone once told me that the years from 18 to 21 is the focal point of your life, and any mistakes in the future can all be traced back to this period.

I'm not going to make a long Hong Kong post, if any of you are looking for one. Such an experience can't be expressed in one post. The freedom of parents on an overseas trip is a completely different experience, but the gravity of it struck me standing at Changi Airport. Being the first to arrive, as usual, I stood with my luggage on the center of the concourse, looking up at the board of flights. As the faceless mass of humanity streamed past me like a water flowing around a rock, I honestly had never felt so alone. Luckily, Jing Min arrived 15 minutes later, restoring my mood. But the damage was done. If I do go to US for my studies, a 2 way ticket costs a bomb. I'd not see many of my family and friends for 2 years, let alone 15 minutes. The rest of the Hong Kong trip was amazing, and waking up with the same few friends 7 days in a row tends to bond or break a group, and I'm glad to say it was the former. Many good stories and jokes were had, all immortalized in Debra's and Jing Min's photos on Facebook. Including some rather controversial ones I've heard.

National Service is coming up soon. More excited than dreading it. Really beats bumming around the house everyday, if I'm not driving or exercising. Having my Dad in the military, I've never actually questioned the importance or relevance of NS. Honestly the only reason I have against it is that it defers our tertiary education. Ah NS. The only things I'm worried about right now is running, my mortal enemy, and fitting in with the rest of the unit. I really do want to become an officer. If anything else, to make my father proud. He says he'll wear his Number one to the commissioning ceremony if I actually do make it, provided he can still fit in it haha. So literally the only things stopping me is my crappy 2.4 timing (a blistering 12 minutes, thank you very much) and my ability to connect with my sectionmates. I hope they're all at least nice people. Any Aaron Tans would just scupper my plans entirely. Although, the thought of just slacking off and being the section joker is quite seductive. Singing "Always look on the bright side" in Cockney accent during a route march, or "Singing in the rain" on a rainy field camp would be awesome.

Well, Chinese New Year is coming up, and I'll have a lot of visiting to do, as well as UPenn interview on the 28th. Hopefully I'll enjoy the last few months of being 18 :D And I'll leave you with this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ

Long overdue post

The more perceptive of you may know, I was recently rejected from Columbia Engineering.

The letter was extremely comforting, telling me that I was a "talented young mind" and I had "many more world class opportunities" to look forward to. But rejection was rejection, that much was certain. My emotions at that time are easy enough to remember: fear, sadness, anger and finally disappointment. Disappointment. That was something I hadn't felt in a while. Disappointment. It was a testament to how sheltered my life was that disappointment blindsided me like a truck in a blizzard.

After much thought and consideration (Also known as "emoing"), I realised that I, myself had not fundamentally changed, and I would have been the same person on the other side of the letter. Its funny how life is like that. If I hadn't gone into NUS High, I probably would have gone on to another school like ASCI or SJI etc. I would be going on a grad trip with Thomas, Bob and Sasha while gathering with my class at William's place. I could walk down the street past Gerlynn, Stuart, Dylan or everyone else whom I love now with not a glimmer of recognition in my eye. Such a thought scares me. But it scared sense into me.

Columbia wasn't a university or a degree to me. It was a gateway. A gateway to new and better things. A gateway to prestige, acceptance, everything everybody secretly craves but will never admit. Studying with interesting people, access to mindblowing opportunities and living in New York City. That was the dream. To be denied entry is like having your future taken away from you. To have someone say "No, you can't do that anymore." completely arbitrarily. I'm extremely content with my life now, and it doesn't take a multimillion dollar salary to keep this lifestyle. My spending is frugal, I don't indulge in DSLRs or expensive audio equipment or lust over sports cars. Going to the US and roughing the cultural and social change there is actually taking the hard route. So why am I doing it?

As usual, I've written myself into a corner again, ending with a largely rhetorical question. But there's a a sense of "This is the road I've chosen". The Plan makes a cameo here, for those familiar, and general consensus is basically "Money is hard, Motivations are cheap." Which means make your money now, and worry about the meaning of life later. To be expected, hailing from the fertilizer bed of pragmatism Singapore is.

Back to the topic at hand, Columbia can be drawn as a parallel to NUS High. Whether my life will be better getting in or not getting in, I will never know. There may be a man named Chris whom I would have started a billion dollar company with as my roommate at Columbia, or a girl whom I would have married. I will never know them. Like Abed said, by applying to six different schools, I'm creating six different timelines. I guess the lesson from this incoherent post is that take life as it comes. Cliched I know, but there's little you can do about it. No one is intrinsically better than someone else, we all play the cards we're given.

Now what?

Today's little treatise is on why I have nothing to do for the next 2 months.

Starting a business in Singapore is no easy task. Especially for people of our age and means. We can't engage in any mass physical movement of merchandise, for example moving computers or other consumer goods. This takes up time that I do not have, and since I can't drive yet, I have no way of even transporting them. Also, sourcing for supply and finding a distribution channel would be a nightmare as you don't have that much capital, and not much time to sink into it. Unless you want to invest in a supplier, advertising, years of your life and a storefront now, you'll avoid this.

This limits our distribution channels to the internet. Even though you've heard much about the internet and about teenagers running international businesses from their laptops, it isn't the easiest thing to do. First, you'll have to set up a website and design it to make it look professional. I'm quite sure most of us can spot an amateur website from a professional one and decide not to trust it with our credit card details. Therefore, professional designing is needed and it isn't cheap. Or you could use sites like eBay. Creating whatever you're selling also requires time and money, and distribution through air mail isn't cheap or easy either. Besides the point, building things requires craftsmanship and tools and a place to build it, not something we all have.

This again limits our business to the easiest thing available, offering services over the internet. I have known people now who run services over the internet, and discussions of business plans invariably come back to this archetype. Whether it be services for tuition, repair, event planning or etc, the chief disadvantage of this archetype is that it is easy. Anything you can think of has already been done by others whom you'll have to compete with, and if you do find something novel, chances are someone will notice it and copy it. Constricting your market to just Singapore could be a smart move for specialization and convenience of the service, but lets face it, Singapore is a tiny market. Making money will be an uphill process involving years of brand creation. And years is what we do not have.

With all this in mind, there are a few solutions.

1. International market, high value stock, infrequent transactions.

An example would be a client asking you to build him a custom computer according to these specs. You'll source for the parts, put it together and air mail him the result. 3 figure profit, perhaps 5 times a month, and a site advertising your service and a middleman site like eBay could be used.

2. Local market, low value stock, bulk transactions.

Get a group of friends together, and spend time every week designing and making cheap items. These things could be like small gifts or cute items or arts and crafts. Can also range to high end crafts if you have the skills and tools. Advertise and distribute on the internet. By keeping supply cost low, and retail price high, you could pocket a reasonable profit. Beware of sweatshop conditions trying to fulfill demand though :D

3. Local market, high value services.

Offer a service that you have, such as photography or repair or event planning or troubleshooting skills. In other words, be a consultant. The only problem is that people won't take an 18 year old seriously, so portfolios are a must. Contacts in the field will make your job easier by introducing clients. Advertising would be mainly word of mouth and recommendations from other clients. Consider interning for someone already established in the field.

My analysis and solutions aren't perfect, but this is what I've thought of while eating dinner. With now till December loaded with Uni Apps and the HK trip and NS next year, I don't think I'll utilize any of these methods. But those who have the time or means, feel free to try and experiment and feedback. I'll like to see what happens.

Good week

Its been a lonnnng week.

Felt like a seven day week this week, with SDYC and all that. Going through SDYC, I didn't learn about saving the environment and all that crap. Instead I learnt something more valuable about myself.

I find it very hard to focus on a task or keep commitments that has nothing interesting for me.

SDYC was a shining example. When I signed up, I expected to have an awesome dynamic team of friends who I could have fun with while executing everything. Instead, I didn't really know my team all that well, and till today I till don't know some of their names. Granted, it was probably my fault for missing all those planning sessions and the pre convention camp. Although I had good reasons for doing so i.e New York and all that. But I'll be lying to myself if I said I wasn't the problem. If 403 or my close friends were directly involved, I wouldn't miss a session and I'd probably perform 120%. Instead, I woke up at 10am on a Saturday, and took me until 4pm to realise I forgot the SDYC GM today and no one called me.

So on SDYC itself, I busied myself with the unspoken important tasks, like making sure the food was here, constructing solar panels etc. On day three, I eschewed my duties, or lack thereof, to slack with KT, Danielle and Belinda by note passing. Later on the D&D, I hung out with the people not even in SDYC more than the people who were, going all the way to skipping out on the cleaning up later to hang out with more awesome people.

So from here, I realised that I don't mind very boring or unimportant jobs, as long as I do it with cool people that I like.

Speaking of D&D. It was pretty cool. Wingmaning KT for the first time that night. SOTA girls are super weird lol. And KT didn't seem to want to talk that much to the girl, stage fright? Ah well, suited up, danced a lot, and drank soft drinks to a crappy DJ. SDYC ftw. I'm just glad Dance CCA, Belinda, Jing Min and Bernard came. Otherwise that would have been a crappy D&D.

Anyway, I just read through all my posts on this blog to get a feel of myself, to write college app essays later. College app essays. Sigh. The biggest hurdle currently. I'm a pretty good writer. But when it comes to selling myself, I'm pretty stumped. I'm not introspective at all, and as I read through my blog, its mostly about observations in everyday life, dissected and reduced to bareness for analysis. Thus, I have to observe myself observing in order to come up with something interesting for the College councilors. I've been asking people around me to highlight my most obvious traits, but I need to find some sort of context to frame them in. Bottom line, college app essays are hard. I need a muse.

On the lighter side of things, I baked today! Went to Gerlynn's house after sports day with JM, Bern, Ming Yan and Gerlynn. We helped to bake the cupcakes that will be given out on Teacher's day celebrations tmr! Gerlynn supervised as JM and I helped to make the batter, put it in cups and put it into the oven. Bern and Ming Yan slept like pigs on the sofa XD We watched a really weird and M18 movie that Gerlynn bought o.O but starring Natalie Portman and Zooey Deschanel. Also helped with the icing on the top of the cupcakes :D

Don't eat breakfast tmr! :D

Best ideas come in the shower.

Like the title suggests, I got this idea in the shower; it concerns overseas university education and NS.

Here's the problem. When you turn 18, a fresh faced graduate from a prestigious high school. Intelligent and vivacious, you manage to score a place at an awesome US university like the Ivy Leagues, Engineering colleges like MIT or brand name business schools like Tepper. But wait! Since the school is so prestigious and awesome, you spot a statement on their website that sinks your dreams. "NO DEFERMENT IS ALLOWED"

Shattered. You'll have to compete for a place in 2 years and retake all the entrance exams you already got a good score in. You'll probably do worse, because NS will burn out your brain, you'll forget all your AP physics, math, chem, bio and what have you, and you won't have awesome college councillors to help you along the way.

All because of NS. D:

So here's a solution,

Defer NS for people studying in overseas colleges. Simple.

But before you cry foul, or shout elitism, listen to my arguments why its a win-win for both SAF and intelligent students.

Here's the plan:

If you are guaranteed a place in the 2012 intake of a overseas university that does not grant deferment, you are allowed to defer your NS until the end of your undergraduate studies, upon which, you return to Singapore to complete the rest of your NS, 2 years, no different from those who did not defer. Before going overseas however, you attend BMT for 3 months from January to March, after all the application stuff is settled. Since 2012 intake will start in August or Sept, that leaves plenty of time to prepare.

First, I'm not suggesting SAFOS, their overseas scholarship pays for overseas education and defers NS for those lucky enough to get it. Instead, I'm asking that those already guaranteed a place in a prestigious overseas university *that does not allow deferment under any circumstances* to be allowed to defer, scholarship or no. If the university allows you to defer, you should go for regular NS anyway.

You may say, "Doesn't that leave our NS force very short staffed?" But the number of people going to overseas universities is a tiny fraction of the entire year's population of NS recruits. Those going to local universities, or not going for tertiary education at all should attend regular NS. Thus, the majority of NS men serve out the normal time, and after 4 years, those returning after undergrad will join the NS men ranks as well,

You may cry "Doesn't that give those who defer an advantage?" No, those who opt for this has to serve two years of NS after their studies, and thus can't take a job, negating any advantage.

How does the SAF win? For one, they will have a batch of highly educated, highly experienced 22 year olds to serve NS. This will allow them to post them to more demanding posts, requiring more intelligence and thus giving more benefit to SAF who would otherwise have to fill these posts with the limited numbers of regulars. Examples would be aircraft technicians, officier posts, and IT experts. They'll also save themselves a lot of discontent over NS, and demands that the system be reduced or changed.

How does the students win? They get to continue their education seamlessly from high school to university without a 2 year brain melting break. They get to fulfill their highest potential, going to the best universities around the world, instead of having to settle for another one because of deferment. Their applications will not be tarnished by the fact of the 2 year deferment and have a higher chance of getting in. Singapore also wins by having a larger international academic presence and having highly trained scholars having to come back to Singapore instead of being headhunted overseas, thus having a more highly trained workforce.

This is not the final solution, and can definitely be improved to address the loopholes and include graduate studies too. Singapore has come to the point that having a more intelligent army is better than having a numerous army, the latter being a point inevitably being surpassed by other countries. NS should not fossilize, but instead, evolve to keep up with the times. Rigid bureaucracy will kill us all.

Guess who's back.

Wow. Long time.

I guess it would be a lie to say I've had nothing to write about in my blog. I guess the fact was that I'm lazy. Or that no one else was updating their blogs or those who do just locked them. Whats the point of a locked blog? Seriously. Locked blogs came out years ago, in paper form. Its like putting tape on your mouth and holding up a sign that says "I HAVE A SECRET".

I'm ranting again.

Well. Its been some time since APs. And SATs, and all the fun after-APs stuff. So first things first, yay! I got pretty good marks for everything and can safely say I won't ever have to take them again. After APs activities were pretty fun too!

I will be going through everything I did from APs to now.

Universal Studios with 403! Most fun I've had in a long long while. My extreme phobia of roller coasters really did get to me that day. I have no idea why people think roller coasters are fun. The human body was not meant to be accelerated and hung upside down, and my body was certainly protesting the very thought of going up in one. In the end, peer pressure won the day. Everyone in 403 were extremely thoughtful and encouraging, helping me stumble the deserted line to the Battlestar Galactica. In the end, I took the Human roller coaster, but was too freaked out to do the Cyclon side. One day, I swear. XD Besides all that, USS is a great place, and sentosa was really gone upmarket since the old days. It feels like Orlando or Cali now, you literally feel like you've left Singapore.

Rachel and Bernard's Birthday! An awesome time was had by everyone. Felt like a family gathering more than anything. We had a BBQ, had lots of wine, guitar playing in the cool night under the stars. I distinctly remember wishing it could last forever. 403 is awesome.

NEW YORK. GREATEST CITY ON EARTH. Check my Fb for photos. I really want to study there :D Columbia University, Morning Heights, New York City, New York, USA.

Also popped over to Washington DC. My dad knew the place like a pro, having been there quite a few times, he took us to the places US diplomats entertained other countries' diplomats. Amazing food over there. Also, strangely enough, no traffic lights. Seriously. Check it out.

Back to more recent times, 605 BBQ!

Juin Bin's house is pretty cool. There's like pools everywhere :D Good for throwing people into. Ronald got a caterer to provide awesome awesome food. Lamb chops, salmon, otah, all that good stuff. Broke out the good stuff, raspberry vodka (Y) Strong, with a strange aftertaste. People says it tastes like cough syrup. But having never drank much cough syrup, it tasted perfectly fine to me. Brought Ming Yan's shot glass from New Zealand, thanks a lot MY! :D Had about 6 shots. Usually, the shot glass was filled, and after passing it around the group, only half came back, so I finished it. :D

NINJA! Thanks to PhillyD and JM's quick thinking, we played a new game, NINJA! Awesomely fun game haha. When played down to two people, really looks like an actual martial arts fight XD Played a card dare game and eventually ended up with everyone in the pool, soaking wet. Tried playing Ninja in the pool, but it degraded to splashing around and grabbing each other into the pool, and soaking everyone else. We went to the main pool and held hands and swam in a circle singing National Day songs, waking up the rest of the condo. Probably got Stomped by some auntie with too much time and an internet connection. The security guard came down and got us out, trouble with the po-po D: He was amazingly good at catching us running around everywhere XD Very hardworking. In the end, we played a few more games, changed in a storeroom adjacent to the room. Oh btw, some people are easily fooled by sneaky knocking, heh heh. Not gonna say who. We went up to JB's house, and met his dog, who was pretty loud. Ended up only drinking 1/4 of the bottle of vodka. Unsurprisingly, I drank the most. But went home with a nice buzz. Best 605 outing ever.

Listening to Fallout New Vegas Soundtrack now. I love 1930's Jazz. So smooth and soulful. I wish I could sing like that. Fallout makes the best soundtracks, cos you have to listen to the same 20 songs for about 12 hours of gameplay time.

Fast forward to today.

It was, unexpected, to say the least. And the least shall be said. Bad decisions were made. Just hope I don't bump into the aussies tmr. That would be awkward.

College Apps taking up most of my time now. Admin crap is soul sucking. No idea how the college councillors take it. Now I'm stuck between whether I should Early Decision Columbia Engineering or Northwestern Engineering. Or UIUC. Bleh. Shan't talk about it.

So that's it. I'll try to post more frequently, to get the ball rolling again.

Finishing line.

Wow I haven't posted in a while. Then again, neither have a lot of people. Must be the AP prep and everything.

Nah, who the hell am I kidding. I've had many a night of free time just watching mythbusters from end to end :D Ah, I love mythbusters so much. If I could have my dream job, it would probably be a mythbuster XD Explosives, engineering, and working next to Kari Byron.

Lol, I finally found the add image option on blogspot. Can't wait for this week to be over. It hit me just now that if you started studying the week before the mock exams, you've been studying for 3 straight weeks. Mugging for 3 weeks on end. No wonder I feel so sian of everything. I'll completely come loose at the end of it. In fact, I'll probably ride the battlestar galactica roller coaster just to blow off steam. Despite my fatal fear of roller coasters. Can't stand them really.

This would all be a lot easier if I had something to watch while studying. Unfortunately, my Blackadder CDs have gone kaput. I'll have to "amazon" it later D: Oh and in response to Jing Min, don't watch all of Dr Who yet, watch all of Blackadder first :D Its an excellent introduction to British humor and stars Hugh Laurie (super young :O) and Rowan Atkinson :D

A lot of things I own are super old. For some unknown reason. The very chair I'm sitting on, is 19 years old, first bought when my parents moved in. Older than me in fact. Cabinet too, bought a few days after I was born. My guitar, acoustic, passed down from my dad, is 31 years old. The same guitar that once played by my dad in the old Raffles Institution when he was 16, and probably had serenaded my mother too as well. My books are all variably old, some still in good condition, some with yellowed pages. Ancient relics of a simpler time I guess.

Oh in reply to the post Dylan made on his blog on greed and such, I think that not everyone knows what they want to do in life. It is a rare person that has all of life mapped out, year to year, day to day. Life in general is an unpredictable adventure (An overused metaphor, sorry) but there are general guidelines to life, just like you don't go hiking without shoes, you should not attempt to live life without money. TL:DR, although you don't know what you want to do in life, you should have the money in order to have the luxury to decide. As for me, if money was no object, I'll probably be a mythbuster or an English teacher :D Teaching english is kinda awesome. Being paid to show cool videos and discuss interesting topics, is like being paid to do what I do everyday anyway.

I'm just ranting at this point, for those who haven't noticed. Plans for the future. Talking to Jing Min today got me thinking. Is it worth it to go overseas for undergraduate degree? Its always been the plan. The Plan, to go overseas, get degree, come back, cushy job. But learning more and more about life tells me it won't be that easy. Sure, a good job for our qualifications is no struggle. But everyone is like, when I'm rich, when I have money... etc. Well, will it be that easy to be rich? Watching videos of smart young people starting world changing things like Blizzard, Id software and facebook gets you going, "Oh, I'll just do what they did." But you never see the 1000 start up companies that failed beside them. This kinda makes you think, "How to earn money?" Is a brand name undergrad degree really the first step? I'm not even sure anymore, my faith in the Plan, has really been shaken. Should I do research and engineering, my calling? Should I drop everything I know and learn finance and banking now for the money? Should I just put everything on the line and stake out to create my own start up? I get the feeling that I'm asking all the right questions. But for some reason I'm not getting any answers. I know I want the money first though, because someone once said: "money is hard, but motivations are cheap." Although I'm afraid going through the process of getting the money, I'll change into someone I'm not. Someone different from the person typing right now.

Ah well. The future is far away. Time to watch some Ricky Gervais to keep the bad thoughts at bay :D

"I'M TRYING. THIS HARDWARE IS ANCIENT"

Went up and down today trying to buy a calculator. It was quite strange. All the shopkeepers were like "Oh! NUS High!" and then telling me the TI 89 Titanium is sold out. Ah well. Managed to get one in the end by expertly spotting it from 25 meters. Last one in the shop too XD Have a lot of NUS High students been replacing calculators? o.O They tried to offer me the newer one, but I'm a sucker for nostalgia, and if I have to replace the calculator, I might as well get the same one. Its amazing that it lasted for 5 and half years. Makes me kinda sad that it died so close to the end. Should I keep it, throw it, or donate to science?

The new calculator can't connect to my 64 bit Windows 7 computer. The first thing I yelled was the title of the post. Then I stopped and realised, I accidentally made a gaming reference without meaning to :P Getting too jaded. Although I should keep them to myself when with friends, no one seems to enjoy them D:

Its strange that the closer exams come, the less stressed I become. Psyched for Portal 2 :D:D

Mental Prep

Shallow breathing, you step onto the concourse.

Walk towards your friends, all sitting in a circle, familiar smiles betraying the slightest bit of fear. Books all around, notes strewn from side to side, your friends are either in deep concentration in their books or in the quick back and forth of last minute questions.

You look down at your bag and pull out your notes.

Might as well.

Bell rings.

We all move together towards to the hall.

As you descend the staircase, a familiar sight greets you.

A throng of people are gathered outside, some in silence, others contributing to the roar of conversation with inane comments or desperate questions.

You steal a quick glance into the hall.

The familiar sight never fails to strike fear into your heart.

A sea of orderly tables.

File by file.

Rank by rank.

All perfectly positioned.

Teachers are milling around them like honeybees to flowers, arranging question papers.

A teacher in front readies the clock. 3 hours.

You set down your bag, pulling out your stationary and calculator, your shaky hands showing fear and apprehension.

Years of school. Months of lessons. Days of homework. Hours of preparation. All leading up to this moment.

A teacher steps out and opens the door.

Best not to linger.

You hesitate crossing the threshold of the hall.

A teacher on stage hastens you to take your seat.

Rows and rows, you pick out yours and sit down nervously.

People walk past you.

The air is cold.

You look down, and upon your desk, multicolored pieces of paper, already deciding your future.

On command, hundreds of students follow instructions.

Name here. Class there. Sticker here.

Shading nervously, your circles are uneven as your hands shake.

The clock is set to 3 hours, how would you survive that?

Last 2 minutes to start. You sit there nervously, mind racing through what you learned yesterday. These 2 minutes feel like forever...

"Your time is 8.30am, you have 3 hours,

You may begin"

A hundred pages flipping at the same time makes a strange noise.

An unmistakable noise, like a gunshot, or a siren.

You flip the page.

Your mind goes blank.

Question after question falls to your pen.

Countless ovals are shaded.

Pages and booklets are filled in.

Hours fly by in your concentrated mental state.

Until 3 hours has suddenly became 15 minutes left to write.

The shakes are over. The tension is gone.

Times up.

You lean back in your seat.

Satisfied but worried.

The teachers begin their rounds, collecting papers like clockwork.

Glances are exchanged. A rare smile makes its appearance.

You're dismissed.

Hundreds of chairs scrape the floor.

You walk towards the door.

People pat backs and exchange opinions of the exam.

You briefly smile, but you remember.

Tomorrow's another day.

Tomorrow's another paper.

Exam time.

Looks like APs are finally coming up. Even though the date had always been scribbled on the whiteboard, it was just a date, not something I could identify with. Didn't really realise until we filled in the AP admin forms. And like a speeding train rushing down a hill, it hit me. APs are really coming.

Also, its the littlest things that panic you. Like reading through a Physics AP prep textbook, looking at mechanics and going, "Oh hey, I remember this, year 1!" And it hits you. Again. This is the finale of our 6 years. That certainly panicked me.

Ah well. There are only three things certain in life. Death, taxes, and regret.

Went out today to the new mall on impulse. That and free pizza and 33% off Starbucks Coffee. Later that day, I was introduced to a new concept that I didn't know of before. And some of you may think its bloody obvious, but I honestly never heard of them. Private blogs.

The very notion is an oxymoron, and I'm surprised to find that they're pretty commonplace. Definitively, a blog is where you share your feelings and thoughts with the world. So why put secrets on the internet? Possibly that you need to jot them down for reflection afterwards, but then wouldn't a diary suffice? But then I guess, if you don't publicize it, its like a sort of e-diary. Which brings me to my next point: locked posts on public blogs. Another oxymoronic idea, but this time, instead of secretly jotting them down somewhere away from public, you basically alert other people that you have a secret, and refuse to tell them. Attention seeking, if you ask me. After all, you should have trusted friends on MSN to talk to about these things. Or even better, lock them up in your head.

Anyway, its AP season and I should really get back to studying, but first, a practical application of statistics! :D

Assumptions: All variables considered are assumed to be independent.

All reasonable conservative estimates are within 5% of actual.

All calculations can be performed in any order

(Most statistics taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Singapore)

There are 4,987,600 people in Singapore.

72.2% are Chinese: 4987600 * 0.722 = 3601047

51% are female = 3601047 * 0.51 = 1836534

76.1% are 15 - 64 years old: Reasonable conservative estimate: 10% are 17 - 20 years old.

1836534 * 0.10 = 183653

27.7% are enrolled into JC (retrieved from:http://www.moe.gov.sg/education/education-statistics-digest/files/esd-2010.pdf)

183653 * 0.277 = 50872

Reasonable conservative estimate: 10% have roughly the same interests or personality

50872 * 0.10 = 5087

Reasonable conservative estimate: 40% are already in a stable relationship

5087 * 0.6 = 3052

Reasonable conservative estimate: Of those who are not, 50% do not want a relationship

3052 * 0.5 = 1526

Reasonable conservative estimate: 70% are physically acceptable

1526 * 0.7 = 1068.2

Remove 10% (5% on each side) of the outliers

1068.2 * 0.9 = 961.38

961 JC girls 17 - 20 who share similar interests, are physically and mentally similar and not in a relationship.

Thus, if I were to walk out now, the probability of meeting such a girl is 0.00019 or 0.019%

Based on previous data, a reasonable conservative estimate of success rate in asking a girl out is 1%. So the chances of meeting a suitable girl and successfully asking her out is now 0.0000019 or 0.00019%

Thus, using a geometric distribution, and assuming the girls are chosen randomly and the probability for each girl is 0.01, find the number of girls, n, needed in order to have a 90% chance of being successful.

1 - (1 - 0.01)^x =0.9

x = 230

I will have to try 230 times to get a 90% chance for a girl from the 961 to go out with me.

This is sad.

Weekend.

Not much. Only highlight on Saturday was going out to watch a movie with not my usual crowd. Bern texted me with a offer for half priced movie tickets. And after missing the awesome concert on Friday, I was feeling a bit low. So I jumped at it. Turned out, it was for Red Riding Hood. Believe me, if you want to market a movie, do not start it with "From the director of Twilight." Luckily, we missed that movie :D But we caught Diary of a Wimpy Kid instead. Wasn't all that great, but it had its moments. Oh btw, it was Bern, Eugenia, Lorna and I. Turned out to be pretty fun XD The movie was pretty okay, and we all went out to some noodle place and played truth or dare for hours :D

Went back through Clementi and checked out the new mall! Its big, almost a full mall with electronics, a departmental store and lots of restaurants. OH AND THERE IS A BIG STARBUCKS. I can kiss my money goodbye now D: Comics Connection, Challenger, and other good shops there. Sad that its our final year.

Learning guitar now, its super fun XD Gotta ask the more pro people to teach me. Currently learning All Summer Long by Kid Rock. Its such a great song, instant classic.

Honestly, if I could have the life in the song, by the lyrics, instead of this now, I would take it in a heartbeat. There's something in that freedom, just being with your friends, doing all sorts of fun stuff, being with someone you love. It would be better than a secure future, or a stable job in the suburbs having a 'perfect' life. If I could actually find that life in the US in the future, I really would not come back to Singapore D: But thats just life I suppose...

Warning: Highbrow content.

Friday has been one of the most insulted songs ever. But this post by an anonymous contributor actually made me watch the video again and agree with him. The Friday music video is extremely complex. Some of it is bullshit, but some parts actually do make sense. Read it and watch at the same time. You'll be mindblown XD

startquote_

Rebecca Black's song "Friday is a work of unparalleled genius.
This song and its accompanying video represent one of the greatest works musical art I've ever seen. ranking right alongside anything Radiohead. Neutral Milk Hotel etc has ever done.
Why do I say this? Because underneath its bubbly. faux-happy surface is a seething cauldron of existential dread and despair. You've all missed the forest for the trees, and while you've been busy mocking it you've missed its brilliance. So let me take you through the video step by step and maybe at least a couple of you will begin to see.

Remember that these are just my own observations. after only a few viewings: this video is so multi-layered that unravelling its symbolism and meaning would take years of careful examination

We open with a production card and some building synths. As the music continues. we see a sort of calendar with flipping pages. Before we get to the lyrics. there's a couple things in this sequence worth pointing out. because they set the tone for the rest of the video and establish its overarching motifs.
Firstly. Black appears here as a hideous moving drawing on the pages. moaning "yeah. yeah" in robotic. auto-tuned cadence. This startling image of the singer — and her voice -- both lie snugly in the very nadir of the uncanny valley. Ostensibly we are looking at a human. but it isn't close enough to what we recognize as human to inspire anything other than revulsion.

I think the director was trying to create a vision of the ''hyperreal" here. Like a sports drink with a flavour such as "blue mountain ice berry" that doesn't exist in nature. Black is a simulacra of something that never existed in the first place. Like so many American teens, she is attempting to live up to an ideal that's impossible to attain — outwardly succeeding in many respects, but never achieving self-actualization in any meaningful way. always feeling like an imposter, mired in a cycle of materialism and futile competition that serves no purpose. She doesn't feel anything in these opening frames she is presented as just that: an unreal monster, a horrible, ugly outside creation.
The artificiality of the music itself plays into this theme as well — I don't think there's a single real instrument in the entire song

Secondly on the pages of the calendar we see some words that we are supposed to assume Black wrote there. On the page for Thursday, she has written "I am Thursday's Child. :(" This is a very clever reference to a nursery rhyme that ascribes personality traits to people born on certain days of the week. The line for Thursday reads, 'Thursdays child has far to go."

There are multiple things going on here. As a young girl Black has far to go before reaching adulthood and the (largely mythical) freedoms she ascribes to it. She also has 'far to go' before she can accept herself for who she is.

She has 'far to go` before she can be the person everyone around her expects her to be -- very. very far -- and she will never get there. These are the main conflicts that are present throughout the song.

Finally, the lyrics start. The monstrous drawing of Black gives way to the flesh-and-blood Black, just waking up with her alarm clock. Her eyes snap open and she starts out of bed instantly, almost mechanically.

>7 AM waking up in the morning

>Gotta be fresh gotta go downstairs 'Gotta have my bowl
>Gotta have cereal

Gotta. She has no choice. She HAS to do these things As Black sings these lines, she gives a disdainful look to her alarm, obviously wishing she could sleep some more. but dutifully she throws her covers off (does this represent her urge to throw off the comforting but ultimately cloying shackles of childhood? Perhaps.) and we cut to her standing downstairs, dressed and ready to go, where she finishes the verse.
In the downstairs section she stands stone-still, her facial features unmoving as she tells us that she must have a bowl of cereal. This is her routine- to break it would be a horrible transgression. And what exactly happens if she breaks her routine? Well. nothing -- but she doesn't know that and she's too terrified to find out. She wants freedom but she isn't strong enough to give it to herself

>Seeing everything
>The time is going. ticking on and on And everybody's rushing

Behind Black, her family goes through their own daily routine in fast-forward. No one has time anymore, it seems to her, and by extension to the viewer. Everyone's day is firmly regimented planned out months in advance and there isn't any room to allow oneself a peaceful moment. For success we have traded in our very identities. Black is disgusted with her family and more importantly with herself

>Gotta get down to the bus stop

>Gotta catch my bus

More gottas. Again. Black has no choice in what she does with her time We cut to her at the bus stop where suddenly she notices something off-screen and gives a painfully faked smile.
Her smile isn't real. As the camera reveals her 'friends' pulling up in a late-model car neither are theirs She cannot stand these people. Like her they're imposters, trying to live up to some abstract version of what a perfect teenager should be. and she hates them for it. But on the other hand they are nothing less than a mirror into her own empty soul — all the more reason to despise them

>Kicking in the front seat

>Sitting in the back seat

>Gotta make my mind up

>Which seat can I take'

A verse absolutely pregnant with meaning. It's gotten a lot of derision. and that's a shame because it's one of the great little moments in this song.
Black surmises the car. Her friends are motioning for her to join them. Why would she do that instead of taking the bus? It's obvious that her friends aren't going to school today. And as she looks at them she realizes that she has to make up her mind: will she continue the daily routine that has become her own personal prison, or will she break free. skip school and taste independence?

Which seat can she take? Will she sit in the back, a passive bystander to her own life? Or will she sit in the front — wrest control of her own destiny and decide for herself what she wants to do?

>It's Friday. Friday
>Gotta get down on Friday

We cut to Black in the car with her friends. But she's in the back. After all that turmoil, she's still a slave to others, doing not what she wants, but what is suggested to her by her peers. She may have rebelled against the tyranny of schooling but she's still imprisoned and acting without will.
"Gotta get down on Friday?" Not 'wanna get down on Friday" or "gonna get down on Friday" or any of a number of lines that may have worked Its another "gotta". She is as much under the control of society as ever. In fact, her minor rebellion may itself be part of the act she's been putting on her whole life. What teenager doesn't skip school?

>Everybody's looking forward to the weekend
>Partying. partying. yeah! >Partying. partying. yeah! >Fun, fun.
>Looking forward to the weekend

Horrible. No one in the car is happy. They bob their heads and smile through gritted teeth as they lie about how much fun they're having, but they all look so desperate, so pained. They look OLD. like world-weary soldiers. Their refrains of "yeah!" are delivered with unenthusiastic fist pumps, the veil on their false joy wearing alarmingly thin.

Black chants "fun, fun, fun" not like someone who is enjoying themselves but like a Nazi in a concentration camp. She is ordering herself to have fun, as if simply saying the words will make it so. But it's not so, and she knows it. This isn't fun. This is hell.

>7.45. we're driving on the highway

>Crusing so fast,
>I want time to fly

12 hours have passed in an instant. We cut to Black in a completely different car. wearing a completely different outfit with a completely different group of people What happened in the interim? That's left to the viewer's imagination but there is some imagery here that strongly implies Black lost her virginity at some point in the time gap.
Firstly, all the people in her company are noticeably older than the original group of friends. She is with adults now, not children. This suggests that she too is an adult, she has stepped into womanhood.
Secondly in the morning she was wearing a bright purple shirt, symbolic of youth and innocence. Now she wears all black, symbolic of impurity -- and mourning. She has lost her innocence- and she regrets it. The car, too. has gone from white to black — pure to impure.

Whatever the case. it's clear Black has had quite the day. But still she sits in the back seat — through it all. She is still not in control.

Why does she want time to fly? Isn't she having 'fun, fun, fun'? Of course not. This has been the worst day of her short life and she wants it to be over as soon as possible. This is probably the only time she directly betrays her true emotions in the entire song. Her self-loathing over giving up her virginity — and over myriad other things — bubbles to the surface in that fleeting instant before she tamps it all back down again and continues the pathetic charade of enjoying herself.

>Fun fun

>Think about fun

Again. ordering herself to have fun, still she pretends to be having fun.

>You know what it is
>I got this, you got this

>My friend is by my right

>I got this, you got this

>Now you know it

She smiles, but her eyes tell a different story. They're pleading with you to understand her, her plight. She wants you to understand why she's done this. and to forgive her. But she really wants something else. She wants to forgive herself of what has happened today.
Maybe she never will.

>Kicking in the front seat

>Sitting in the back seat 'Gotta make my mind up 'Which seat can I take?

We come full circle. She knows that to become a truly free agent she will have to disavow her false friends and live for herself. Will she be able to take this step? Will she summon the courage to strike out on her own? Immediately she answers for herself: she hugs her two 'friends' closer. She isn't ready to be her own person yet. Not even the loss of her innocence could imbue her with the courage to move forward. She will be a slave to others for the foreseeable future.

>It's Friday, Friday
>Gotta get down on Friday
>Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend

Black arrives at a party and waves to a boy about her age. He glances salaciously at her backside. The party is outdoors and it's pitch black except for the headlights from the cars there. Without her friends, without her peers Black would be in dark, completely lost. The meaning is obvious.
Again, she's "gotta" get down. The line has now acquired a disturbing sexual connotation given what has transpired, but its basic meaning is essentially the same.

> Friday, Friday
>Getting down an Friday
Watch closely here, this is around 1:50. Her smile completely drops for an instant as she says the second line. She hates herself

>Everybody's looking forward to the weekend
The boy from before walks up behind Black and makes an inappropriate sexually-charged grab at her. She swirls around in shock. but then fakes a smile at him. She cannot bring herself to admit how disgusting she finds him.

>Partying. partying yeah'

>Partying. partying. Yeah

>Fun, fun. fun
>Looking forward to the weekend

Black walks backwards here. It's easy to read into that. She's not improving herself, but regressing. For all her bluster and pretending, she's worse off tonight than she was this morning. More of her false friends make unconvincing fist pumps. Once again, no one is happy.

>Yesterday was Thursday. Thursday 'Today it is Friday, Friday

We see Black again as the drawing-monster from the beginning. She recites the progression of the days of the week.
Yesterday was Thursday, today is Friday. This transformation and these lyrics validate the suggestion that her rebellions today have been nothing more than yet another piece in the larger act she's been putting on. of being the perfect teenager. The days of the week are set in stone. they always come in the same order. And Black's rebelliousness was equally predictable. It wasn't spontaneous at all.

>We, we, we so excited
>We so excited
>We gonna have a ball today

Black talks in broken English, but it's just an affectation, like everything she's done today. Talking like a stereotypical 'urban" (read: black) person is supposed to be °edgy " for this young white suburban girl, but it's not edgy if everyone in her peer group is doing it. just fired and cliched She's no bohemian or free-thinker or even common punk. she's a mindless drone doing what all the others do.

>Tomorrow is Saturday
>And Sunday comes afterwards

The predictability of her actions are again hammered home as Black is shown directly turning from the moving drawing into her real life counterpart. The drawing-monster and Black are the same entity: a horrendous, unreal abomination, revolting yet pitiable. She doesn't want this weekend to end.
But she does. She trembles with this lie and has to say it with an open-mouthed gape, as if forcing it out of herself.
How long can she go on like this before she cracks?

>RB Rebecca Black
>So chillin' in the front side

A grown man begins to rap. cutting into Rebecca's lyrics (symbolizing her powerlessness?) He calls her by name, then looks down at his crotch as he says the second line. More sexual connotations abound. Has this adult man victimized the young Black?

>In the backseat ›I'm driving cruising
These lines have caused confusion. but it makes sense if you consider 'So chillin' in the front side, in the backseat' to refer to Black.
HE is the one in control — HE is in the front seat. driving 'Cruising" here takes on its sexual meaning as well as its more literal one -- he is cruising for underaged girls to abuse

>Fast lanes. switching lanes >With a car on my side
>Passing by is a school bus >In front of me
>Makes me tick tack. tick lock >wanna scream

Chilling. This man is a pedophile and the children aboard the school bus arouse him. But let's look closer. The fact that they're on a school bus is very meaningful indeed. Because if Black had followed her usual routine and gone to school, had failed to rebel — she may still have not escaped the fate that befell her tonight. Eventually she would have been sullied by the horrors of the adult world. For her, there is no escape, and there can never be

>'Check my time. it's Friday
>It's a weekend
>We gonna have fun 'Come on. come on

The man looks in the rearview mirror but the position of the camera makes it appear as if he's looking directly at the viewer. And he says we gonna have fun: not "I'm gonna have fun.' This is an accusation, a recrimination. We are all complicit in the crimes this man commits. By forcing the image of perfection upon young girls. by sexualizing them, by turning a blind eye to their cries for help. WE are responsible for the -fun' this man has. We are no better than him.

>It's Friday. Friday
>Gotta get down on Friday
>Everybody's looking forward to the weekend weekend >Friday. Friday
>Getting down an Friday
>Everybody's looking forward to the weekend

We cut back to Black performing in front of a large crowd. This is really what she's been doing her entire life. of course: performing. None of them seem that interested even as she sways and smiles and shouts about how great everything is What's more. we continually see cuts to Black standing alone in a bizarre darkened room full of strange glowing smoke. where she moans in protest — at one point (around 2:55) yelling out "n00000" as the Black performing in front of an audience announces that everyone is looking forward to the weekend.
This is Black's inner dialogue and likely it's been going on for the entirety of the day — this is just our glimpse at it. Outwardly, she's happy and ebullient but in her mind she's shouting out in horrible pain trapped in a fevered hellscape of her own creation

>Everybody's looking forward to the weekend >Partying. partying. yeah!
>Partying. partying. yeah!
>Fun. fun. km
>Looking forward to the weekend
>It's Friday. Friday
>Gotta get down an Friday
>Everybody's looking forward to the weekend. weekend >Friday, Friday
>Getting down on Friday
>Everybody's looking forward to the weekend

As the song draws to a close, we cut back and forth like this — the projection Black gives of herself and the torment within. Finally her inner self isn't even attempting to speak intelligibly. instead just yelling as loud as she can.
eyes wrenched closed. fists balled up. But in the real world she forges on singing and dancing for the crowd_ and the pedophile from before looks on approvingly his prey's spirit fully broken.
And when she stops singing, she looks down at everyone before her embarrassed, disgusted and despaired.

Now that her performance is done. the crowd will disperse and forget about her and for everything she's endured she will have gained nothing. She has literally become the -poor player that struts and frets her hour upon the stage.'

She has realized that her life is a futile mockery of real happiness a hollow. meaningless simulation.

As Black's day draws to a close, she has stared into the abyss -- and the abyss has stared back

_endquote

Pretty deep. Actual post tmr.

Recriminations

I am infinitely bitter that everyone has had an awesome march holidays, and I've stayed home all the while, doing work. Bleh.

Monday had better be awesome...

AC:B stuck at 95%

Sunday will be awesome :D

What an amazing week.

What an amazing week.

This has been one of the most harrowing weeks ever. Mostly SSEF, some of it others... But SSEF has a pressure unlike any other major exam or test. Its a test of showmanship, confidence and charisma, that plus a nice poster XD Also, you have to present to six judges, six times. Super tiring. But of course the interesting thing about SSEF is not the research, its the people. After observing the people around you and how they present, plus scrutinizing other school's quality of work, I can truly say I'm pretty proud of our school. Other projects have teams of 4 or 5 people clustered around them, each memorizing points to present like robots. But our school is relaxed, confident of our projects, and able to freestyle and dazzle the judges. I think thats how we scored that many golds. Of course, the research is sound and solid, but the ability to dazzle and excite others is a true skill. Monotone reading of your report, is however not. Other than that, SSEF was fun, the atmosphere a bit damp because of the tension, but nevertheless an exhilarating experience.

Congrats to those who won! And those who didn't win, your projects were certainly top material. Also to those who came to support and buy koi! :D

House Carnival Friday!

I'm truly sorry to Rachel, Ji Hyun and the others for not helping out on Thursday. But the haunted house turned out pretty well! I think we've not only succeeded in scaring a few people, generally entertaining many, created a line longer than Koi, but also set a high bar for next year's house carnival. So pat on the back people :D Unfortunately the speakers couldn't be used, so the atmosphere wasn't tense enough. But then, NUSHS people wouldn't feel atmospheric horror if it slapped them in the face. Honestly, some year 1s tore some of the props and grabbed me as I tried to scare them to prove that they weren't scared. Being nice, I whacked them and sent them along. After that, Bern, D'Lee and I helped to pack the tables. Haha. That was fun. 3 MAN COLE TRAIN XD

Orcganic Saturday. Ah. What a day.

Interestingly enough, it was the first time I actually played video games competitively, and it is a terrifying experience. Even the slightest self doubt can make you hesitate and lose. And of course, the high of winning a match. Even, as I type this, my arms are shivering with adrenaline at the mere memory. It is a high higher than I have ever felt :D We went in with no expectations, which I think is the best frame of mind to be in. We won round after round, match after match till lunch. I was elated. We had an actual chance of winning the damned thing. I could actually walk away with something tonight. Which is where I went wrong I suppose, as the self doubt came rushing back, and we didn't perform as well. We got knocked out by The Legend, from AJC, so bad luck I guess. If we hadn't met them so early, we could have got 3rd or 4th. Ah well. It was fun I guess. Although I'm never touching that damned game again XD

We fought well and hard, team Powsome,

We few,

We happy few,

We band of brothers.

Slack Sunday. I slept 13 hours XD And Darren and I completed Halo:Reach on Legendary >:D

No idea what I'm gonna do for the March Holidays. Study AP and run tmr I guess. Can't go out too much now. I found that my savings for the year so far is -134 dollars D: So JM, NO MORE STARBUCKS.

Lodi Dodi

We likes to party.

Gerlynn's party was aweeeesome. Really set the bar for my party later on. But its not so much the stuff at the party, but more of the people there :D Started out the in morning for House Carnival stuff, the year 5s seem a lot more on the ball and enthu than ever. Must be hostel. Anyway if I can survive SSEF and House Carnival on the same week without falling apart, I'll sleep till 2pm on Saturday XD

The party was really fun :D Firestarter again, and this time was a little off, cause the charcoal used was strangely round, plus we had competition. I'm seriously competitive, so I was really tense and focused on the fire XD I kept pilling on the charcoal and blowing, while my NCC guys fanned like crazy. Hehao and Wenxiang at the other pit made a great fire too.

And of course, every 18th Birthday party now comes with... Ethanol! Had a couple of beers. I've never tried to chug before, and when you pour it down your throat, its like vomiting, in reverse. WTH. Jing Min, I have no idea how you do it. We have to go out on the town sometime XD Just borrow someone else's ID or use an NUS card. Wine and champaign too lol, I'm a horrible wine taster, I just think everything is 'spicy'. I should stick to what I know, black label single malt scotch XD Hehao got wasted, he had to take a cab home lol. First time I've seen anyone wasted.

Eyelids heavy, full day tmr. And by full, I mean every minute has already been accounted for.

Oh and I need a white shirt. Who wears a white shirt nowadays? 10 shirts i have and not 1 is white...

Oddly specific post

10 Commandments of SSEF poster making:

1. Don't act like a graphic designer. You're not one. You'll screw up your poster very badly.

2. Don't ask your poly friends who are studying to be graphic designers. They have no idea what a scientific poster is and will screw up your poster very beautifully.

3. A font size more than 36 will leave you too little space for important info. A font size less than 36 will have your judges leaning uncomfortably toward you while you're presenting.

4. Judges are like birds. Do everything in primary colors.

5. If your important info is in graphs, your poster is going to be boring. Inevitable.

6. Always have one amazingly beautiful photo to point to, even when it is completely irrelevant.

7. NEVER use MS Paint for drawing your diagrams.

8. Using a weird font indicates the font is more interesting than the project itself.

9. If you built something as part of the project, give it to the judge at the start. He'll play with the toy more than he will look at your poster.

10. If all else fails, use LaTex. Better to be part of the uncreative horde than fail spectacularly.