It's strange that after not writing for a long time, you feel even more disinclined to write more. I guess it would be a consequence of the blog format. Even though I'm not writing for anyone but myself, I feel the compulsive need for it to be a continuous narrative about my life. Seeing from where I left off last time, I tell myself I have to fill you, the hypothetical reader, about the events of my life up to this point. From ORD to my many temp jobs where I've learned much, to my encounters with different people out there that have reshaped my perception of society. It's just too much, and with each day, the burden to document and dissect through narrative grows evermore. It comes to the point where I'm paralyzed whenever I want to write something. I go on to play whatever game I'm currently playing, free in the knowledge that I'll be experiencing somebody else's continuous narrative.
There are a lot of things weighing on my mind right now. First of all, the departure of many of my closest friends. And my subsequent departure of them. Moving on is a part of life, so they say. Looking back, I wouldn't have bonded with 403 if I had stayed in 203, or 605 if 403 had stayed together. I wouldn't have made new friends if I had roomed with Bernard. National Service is a good example that you can make friends anywhere, provided you go through enough shit together. And wow have I made friends in there. But looking back through my posts, this is an old bone to pick. At every fundamental shift in my life, moving on has generally always been for the better. Going to UK, I'm acutely aware that right now, only 5 other NUS High people are going. People that I can't say I know very well. The orientation camp is coming up though, so hopefully I'll make a few friends there. Not so concerned about the culture, or the food, or the cold in the UK. It's more on the academics and the people. I can't integrate to save my life now, and I'm pretty sure I've forgotten most of my chemistry. Gonna have to revise before I get there. There's also the question if I want to stay there for good. This is something that has been asked of my a few times. Probably due to my unplaceable accent and lack of Chinese persuasion. Much fun has been had asking me if I'm going to get an ang moh girlfriend. The answer, as everything, is still unclear. There will definitely be much I will miss here. Not going on a scholarship isn't only a financial burden, but also an existential one, as you don't have an institution to shelter you, to give you assurance and purpose. You have to give yourself a purpose, and that something that I have always struggled with. Singapore is nothing but it's institutions. Growing up here, they define you, shape you, both to yourself and to others. Nobody introduces themselves in Singapore without identifying which school they went to, which university, and where they're currently working now. So university will be no so much educating myself, but also, trying to find a purpose for the rest of my life. Whew.
So in conclusion, my life is basically on hold right now. Or to be more accurate, it is tensing itself in preparation for my next phase of life, and arguably, the more dramatic shift in my life to date.
